random need to randomly say random things

of late i have been getting back to my running routine, which is great and that means i can cook more pasta for myself and try this new cream sauce recipe and not feel bad eating all of it. And everytime i run i throw myself changeups and fastballs, alternating routes, letting traffic lights decide my paths or follow random bicycles, I don't really care where I run to. Running after all is a place. Its where i can scream, sing off key, talk silly things to myself and act out cheesy lines i saw on some comedy and not care what the world thinks. but...

yes but

ah screw it! I don't think it's wise to say it but heck this blog ain't a clever blog in the first place.

yes but
I really wish i wasn't screaming, singing or acting silly scenes by myself.
I wish i had someone telling me where to run.
And when i come back that bowl of pasta would really be too big for myself and i wish i could share it and then have you complain that its too damn boring cooking that same dish over and over and over again.

I know i'm happy where i am now, everything is great because i see beyond imperfection but i dream too much to know there's something missing. I realise that i dream more than anyone else i know, its daily and i remember them vividly and ever since school stopped, those work dreams have gone away and i get nicer ones now, the ones with you inside and they are great i tell you. It gets so real i think i was smiling when i slept. And in it we run to that spot i always love going to and we do random screaming and acting out, i cook for more than one and dig out my old slides and do a mini travel show just for you.

Then it just fades away and i wake up at 8.30 from my stupid plan of catching some morning sun, i shut the damn alarm off and go back to sleep and guess what it actully continues. And we take the wrong bus to the wrong place but nobody really cares because it's the seats that matter, at the front right of the double decker where we can look down the periscope and pretend to disturb the bus driver. Random things will happen like suddenly we start singing songs but then its just the snooze mode kicking in and I really wake up this time. And I heard people usually forget what they just dream but somehow it doesn't work here and it sucks. Maybe I'm being fussy here but why was it just a dream? i know they never come true. Its like my head is telling me that I'm really missing on the good stuff and then I get in some silly contemplative mood on what "could have been" if i had more guts, if I could risk it all but then I'll rather not go there. jon is really a humji person.

That's why I like public transport, okay I only like the front right seat on the double decker bus and if it isn't peak hour, I'll place my bag beside me so that no one can listen to the silly songs i quietly hum to myself and the weird stares I make just to disturb the driver (damn those new buses with the electronic periscopes). And for that very short moment i smile to myself because i'm reminded of what could have been but then the hard reality throws a sucker punch at the weak spot and i just turn up the volume of my music and maybe move to the back. Its better to confuse myself
about the current situation, it stupifies me from making more stupid mistakes

I think i'll go for my run now.